Made the "mistake" of going in to Waterstones while I was out at lunchtime. Only bought 5 books, 4 of which were in the sale and together as a set so I guess they could count as one if I try to justify it properly. The 4 are Eric Thompson's Magic Roundabout scripts and the one is a serious investigation into computer games. Which seeing as how I have got right back into those of late was a must have. More details when they get read!

The meeting was OK - made some progress on the publicity for the Ipswich Gyratory but would still rather have been doing something else.

Am listening to a series of '80s compilations in the car at the moment and my unprovoked reactions to some of the songs got me thinking. Why does the memory work like that? If I was trying to actively think of certain places and events from the past I know I would struggle with some of the details but play me a song associated with them and wham - glorious technicolour. What got me this morning was Perfect by Fairground Attraction. That one (along with Love Shack by the B-52's and Sinead O'Conner's Nothing Compares 2 U) takes me straight to the bedroom m'friends Deborah & Marianne shared at Linden's lodge in College. Right down to the cheques for £1m and shrunken crisp packets stuck to the wardrobe doors. Kind of spooky that I can recall that much detail. I know I visited there on a regular basis but that was 12 years ago now.

Nearly time to go now. And to pick up some KFC for tea on the way home...

Ooooh, a couple of days worth of waffle to fill in! I know I could and indeed should have written some yesterday but just never got round to it. Lazy and busy at the same time!

So where were we? Tuesday evening. Can't remember doing anything spectacular. We haven't got around to booking back in for Body Balance as yet so didn't do that. I think we just sat out in the garden with our tea and then did a bit of tidying and ironing.

Yesterday proved pretty productive for me in the end. I got all the changes needed on the map and town plans to send them off for updating. Then I scanned in the recent Park & Ride pictures. Had a slight hiccup there when the scanner started playing up, but it seems to be working again properly now. And also got a good way in to sorting the accounts out. Might be able to finish them off soon and actually understand them. And to make things better than doing them here (a) the phone only rang twice all day, (b) I had the windows open and my shorts on, (c) there were no e-mails and (d) I had a decent soundtrack. That comprised:

Underworld - Live: Everything, Everything
Ned's Atomic Dustbin - 0.522 (a B-sides collection)
Ozric Tentacles - Strangeitude
Skyclad - Prince Of The Poverty Line

And also the in-game music, bleepings and so forth for a variety of old Arcade classics I was running under Mame for breaks every now and then. I've got a set of cds with over 3,000 games on for Mame and am gradually trying them out for size. Some of the old Japanese ones are very obscure and tricky to get to grips with, there are also an unseemly number of ones featuring people taking their clothes off in very bad graphics!

The afternon featured the long-awaited (but not looked-forward-to) trip to see Kirstie the hygenist to see if all the agony earlier in the year had been worth it. This was the poke the needle in lots of times to measure if the pockets have got any shallower stuff. Not fun, but not too painful in the end. And yes, all of them have got better than they were before we started. Not all of them by a great extent, but enough to have justified the treatment package. They will keep an eye on them and there are some other things they can try in the future if things start to go the wrong way again. And I didn't have to pay any money over yesterday either as I had been knocking a chunk off the bill on the earlier visits and actually went 12p over.

In the evening we had our feet sorted out then had a look at holidays once again c/o the good old Internet. Some wonderful tours around parts of the US and Canada that we really want to see. The prices look fairly horrendous at first glance, but we think we might just treat ourselves next year. We just need to get disciplined to save properly. Then we had a manic two player session on Puzzle Bobble. One of the few games Joan can really get into.

Got woken up at 5ish this morning by my right leg deciding it hadn't seized up with cramp for months and that now was the perfect opportunity. Quite painful at the time and still uncomfortable now. Still, got to work OK, have done some useful stuff and finally the morning is almost over once more. Time for a spot of lunch, a walk up the town and then back here for a meeting.

Goes on, and the heat goes on... To adapt a line from the Talking Heads for a moment or two! It is still absolutely scorching out there, but it is now also raining which may help to cool things down a fraction (it will also probably mean our washing will need drying again when we get home if this persists as far as Felixstowe and lasts all afternoon). It might also encourage the girls of Ipswich to put a few more clothes on. I wouldn't mind so much if they were nice looking to start with. Better stop that thought now before it gets me into trouble.

Tomorrow I am working at home updating our maps and trying to whip the finances into some sort of shape. Trouble is I have been so good at getting stuff ready to do so that I'm now left with not a lot to occupy the afternoon. I might go home early and make a start - especially as I need to do some work related scanning too. Of course, given how the future of this department appears to be shaping up I ought to ignore the finances as they are likely to be split between different managers in the new milieu but it is still a better option than being here for all 5 days of the week.

Going back in time a bit, last night was reasonably busy for us. Jerry from next door brought a car round for us to test drive. A Vauxhall Corsa. It was quite nice and all that, but not really what I'm after as despite being small it had a large engine so that pushes up the tax, insurance and fuel costs and I'm trying to save on those. I do feel a bit sorry for him as he is lonely since June died, but I don't think I'm ready to be a substitute family for him yet. I also don't want to end up buying a car from his mate just to keep the pressure off and harmonic relationships on if it doesn't come with the right warranties etc.

After that we did a spot of shopping and then went on to see Helen & Bhupen for a bit. As a consequence of that we didn't eat until quite late (Chinese again!) and thus didn't really do much else. And we both had disturbed sleep (Joan was up for two chapters of a book) and strange dreams again. I think the disturbed sleep may also have been temperature related. And now the heavy eyes and yawns have hit me once again. I really must get a trip to the doctor sorted if I don't start being more awake soon.

Still hot today. And uncomfortably sticky too. At least the office isn't too bad, but I think I'd rather be elsewhere. Nothing to do with Joan being off today of course. Oh, no, nothing to do with that at all! Also very tired this morning again - must get an early night some time to try and catch up on missing sleep.

Had a nice evening of dinner on the new patio and just relaxed chatting, but it must have drained some of the energy reserves after all. And now sitting here trying to make sense of timetables without my eyes closing. Not easy.

So Kate won. But at least Jonny came second so we aren't too downhearted here. Mind you, we were both absolutely knackered when it come to getting up yesterday after staying up to watch the final and all that, but never mind. It was worse for Joan as she had got home late on Friday due to Saturday being the launch of the new catalogue. And the shop is just intolerably hot at the moment. I know from having worked there just how oven-like it can get at times, and yet still head office won't splash the cash on some air conditioning for them. A customer even passed out because of the heat in there today but I bet that still won't make a difference.

We finally got around to watching Scary Movie 2 last night. Not quite as funny as the first one but just as good as I remembered from seeing it in Canada last year. There are also loads of deleted and alternate scenes. Got through about half of them last night and was surprised that some of them didn't make the final cut. Especially as in places they have bits in them that are featured on the cover of the disc (and were thus on the posters for the original release) but didn't make it to the cinema version. Strange.

I also picked up my photos yesterday and I think some of them will do just nicely for the purpose I took them for. Others will be useful for joke stuff to go on www.b3ta.com so not all wasted. On top of that we got a new wooden table and chairs for the garden. Joan had seen them at work and liked them, but we thought they were a bit overpriced. While we were up north one of her colleagues spotted that they had gone down in price and ordered us a set in. They are really nice now, especally for what we finally paid!

Today Joan is at work once again, and I have been taking it easy up to now. Have sat in the sun a bit (including for lunch, nice) and finished the Dilbert book(s). Not sure what to pick next, but I do have a huge pile of magazines to read so the next actual book is a couple of days away as yet. Better do a bit of tidying up now before I go to pick her up.

By George it sure is HOT out there today. Spent the last 6 hours out and about doing deliveries and some roadside publicity for that service previously moaned about. Only got lost once (but that did lead to an encounter with a nice Traction Engine in full steam, so it was a worthwhile diversion). But bloody hell am I glad to be going home for a shower soon.

Last night ended up being a tv and Galaxians fest rather than a film. Tonight is the Big Brother final so that will be required viewing then next week back to some sort of normality. Speaking of BB, Graham Norton had Dustin Hoffman on his show last night (not literally!) and they did a short BB sketch. Dustin as Jonny even going as far as to do a bit of a Geordie accent. Absolutely superb. And he was really funny as himself in the interview part too.

That's it for now. Just too hot to think straight.

Been sunny all day, so I took the chance to get out twice. First off at lunchtime when I wandered up to the bank to pay that cheque in and then look at the shops. I'd been thinking for ages that I really ought to get a copy of Alice In Wonderland and read it again sometime and that popped back into my brain whilst I was passing The Works. So in I went and not only did they have a copy for £1, but for an extra 99p I could get an omnibus of everything Lewis Carroll ever wrote. So I took that option instead. Ok, so its a flimsy book that probably won't last me until my dotage, but it will do for the opurpose. Or indeed porpoise!

And now I have just got back from going out again. After a couple of requests for Park & Ride photos that didn't really match up to what we have on file I thought I'd go and take some more. So have been up to Bury Road and tried to get a bit interesting and also "arty". We shall see what comes out when I get them back. That also seems to be the nearest thing I've done to any real work today. Have mainly been reading through an avalanche of magazines and journals that have been building up in other people's in trays and not getting passed on to me.

Joan is having her back cracked tonight so I am meeting her there to do a bit of post-cracking shopping. Then it'll be healthy grilled food for tea and hopefully tonight we really will get round to watching a film. Last night we caught up on old episodes of Holby (although we missed two while we were up north). That is of course if the phone will stay silent. I used to get frustrated that whenever we started watching something it would ring, then that stopped but we still had to take a break around 9 every night for Joan to phone her Dad. Obviously that is no longer a problem, but since last week's events there always seems to be someone calling to check if we are OK. I am getting close to answering back with "we'd be better if you'd all leave us alone for a couple of nights" or unplugging them all!

Didn't think to mention that last night was also pretty stressful for another reason. The estate settlement cheque came. And while it is obviously nice to get some money, the reason for it isn't and it was all a bit upsetting for Joan. I have brought it with me to pay in to save her the possible embarrassment of bursting into tears in the bank if she were to do it.

On a lighter note, I just found this in the BBC site and have to stick it in:
Thursday, 25 July, 2002, 02:46 GMT 03:46 UK
Barbie loses battle over bimbo image


Barbie must accept that being parodied is part of the job, a US judge has ruled after the manufacturer of the famous leggy blonde took legal action against a pop song which mocked her.

Danish pop act Aqua stormed the charts in 1997 with the song Barbie Girl, in which a female singer portraying Barbie refers to herself as a "blonde bimbo". She is also enticed to "go party" by a male singer representing Ken, Barbie's steady boyfriend.

Barbie's maker Mattel, in a lawsuit against MCA Records, contended that the song infringed copyright and sullied Barbie's image. But Judge Alex Kozinski said that the song was protected by the right to free speech in the US constitution because it was a parody and a social commentary. "With Barbie, Mattel created not just a toy but a cultural icon," he said. "With fame often comes unwanted attention."

He also noted that Barbie had heard much worse since her conception in the 1950s.

Tall, slim - yet curvaceous - Barbie has been the bane of feminists who want society to move away from conceptions of the female figure that do not correspond with reality. "Barbie has been labelled both the ideal woman and a bimbo," said Judge Kozinski. His court also upheld a lower court decision to throw out a defamation suit brought against Mattel by MCA over comments allegedly made about the record company. "The parties are advised to chill," said the judge.

However the news still comes as a blow to Mattel, being the second case it has lost over the Barbie mark in less than two years. In February last year, a court ruled that an American artist was within his rights to use Barbie dolls in his work. Some of Tom Forsythe's photographs depicted the blonde in sexually compromising positions.

A court had ruled on that occasion too that parody of Barbie was an acceptable activity.

What can you say about that?

Big yawn time - feel absolutely washed out this morning and like I could drop off at any minute for no apparent reason. Went to bed same time as normal, slept all through (although with the obligatory strange and confusing dreams - seems I was moving into a house in Derby that kept changing street and also buying a mini at the same time that was then in need of major repairs) and woke up as required when the alarm did its stuff. Oh well, I'll just have to get some matchsticks from somewhere to keep my eyes open.

Until everyone else goes off for meetings, then I might be able to snooze under the desk a bit!

Slight changes of plan last night saw us getting our heads trimmed at Faith's place rather than ours for a change. I don't mind going there as she has a couple of nice dogs. And I don't normally like dogs, so that says something. Collie sheepdog things. Both mad as hatters and utterly cute. I think they could almost be used to persuade me to get a mutt myself sometime, apart from the walking and clearing up shite business of course. And I'm still not sure about the generall doggy smell they all seem to have - it seems to waft throughout a doggy household and I can't get used to it.

That meant we were not home until 7ish and decided a chinese was called for as we couldn't be bothered cooking by the time we'd showered. The Magic Wok was unexpectedly closed so I went up to the one in town we had been treated to food from at the weekend. They have a few different choices on the menu so I ended up with (and sorry to any Llamasofties reading this) Mongolian crispy lamb. It was lovely!

OK, time to see what the working day can do to keep me awake.

Stayed awake until we went to bed last night, which was nice. And we did do the toasted sandwich thing for tea too. Dunno what we will have tonight though.

Today has been in equal parts rewarding and frustrating. I finally got all the timetable changes from the last two weeks in and off ot the printers when, Kazam!, another one turned up. Ordinarily this would just be a cause for me to shake my head wearily and say something like "just when I thought it was safe" or "here we go again" but this one took the biscuit and finally spurred me into writing a stroppy email. It was for a service that started on Monday. Now, that would be bad enough, not hearing about it until after it changed but this is one we are sponsoring. Yup, not only had the information been in the office before today, we designed it. Accompanying the registration was a letter of support for the change dated the 19th. But did they tell us then? No. And knowing how the system works it will have taken them a couple of weeks to pull the whole thing together. It is actually a replacement for a commercial service that has been cancelled. Did they tell us they were going to look to replace it? No. Did they tell us when the tenders went out? No. Or when they were returned? You guessed it.

So that was just one step too far for me. I have sent this to their stand in manager (names not changed cos they ain't innocent and don't deserve protecting!):

I've been trying to get communications from your team about what goes on for 4½ years now so would welcome your input on the matter. The main issue is on letting us know what they are doing when it comes to sponsored services. I am continually finding out about things we are paying for from the final registration rather than in advance from the people doing it. This is made worse when it comes to supporting short notice changes.

I think the final straw has just come - I have received a registration in the last ten minutes for a service that started on MONDAY accompanied by a support letter from Ian dated the 19th. Now I know I was off for two weeks, but your people must have known they were doing this before the 19th and could at least have told someone something about what was going on. It would have been nice to get the roadside publicity done before it started, whereas now it won't be until Friday of this week.

Frankly, I've had enough of being left out of the loop like this. And after all, who's going to ride a bus if we can't tell anyone it is running?

There is also this email I sent to Mike, Chris and Charles before going off up North:

Chaps,

As I seem to have been lumbered with producing a leaflet to tell the plebs all about ticket interavailability between sponsored and commercial services, can one of you provide me a definitive list of what we do, where it is valid etc etc etc.

Ta,

Again, I have heard nothing. Not even a "we're busy but will get back to you". I can see I will be getting chased for news on the leaflet soon and will have to say that people are letting me down.

Any chance you can take them off somewhere and knock some sense into them? All the re-org stuff implies we should work together more but that's only what the publicity/marketing team has been asking for since before I started here.

All help gratefully appreciated...

He agrees the situation is not a good one, so has agreed to join us at our next team meeting to see what we actually need then sort them out. Hopefully the results will prove positive. After all, we are supposed to be getting closer to each other under the re-org stuff so there are some pretty huge walls to break through.

Better news is that we think we have decided on the holiday we want to take. Prague. Will see now how much money we end up with and if there are spaces for us.

Also wnet to the library at lunchtime so have four cds to listen to soon: Underworld - Beacoup Fish AND Live - Everything, Everything, Jimi Hendrix - Axis: Bold As Love and Blink 182 - The Buddah Album. The latter will fit on the same MD as another album of theirs I've got but the live Underworld will need some clever editing to fit on an MD unless I can find somewhere selling 80 minute ones locally.

Nearly time to get out of here for the day. Yay! Getting hairs cut tonight as they should have been done last week but we were on the A1 at the time.

Despite feeling like a complete Zombie by the time I got home (and falling asleep on the sofa for an hour) I am not too bad today and even made it in to work before 830 for a change. Only by 2 minutes mind, but that's all that you need!

We finally got the grill wotsit up and running last night, and the results were very tasty indeed. Might just have to use it again tonight. Or possibly it will be a toasted sandwich kind of feel to the food. More news on that when it happens!

Another good bit from yesterday was that in the 269 messages was one letting me off any financial implications of car scraping. That was a big load off the mind I can confirm. Having had run ins with the neighbours over car issues I certainly didn't want to get embroilled with a stranger on that issue. Why do cars create such hassle?

Am now halfway down the stack of bus registrations so might have all the details off to the printers by the time I go home tonight. I will of course drive carefully and make sure I avoid any pigs that might be flying past. Still plenty of other things in the in-tray to deal with, but nothing that can't wait a couple more days. And have got a van booked for a day out of the office on Friday, so hopefully today's rain will only be a blip in the nice weather we've been having.

Being back at work has also meant a return to in car music. Yesterday was By Your Side by The Black Crowes and today has seen a Chumbawamba B-sides and rarities compilation I knocked up myself with (would ya believe) Geri Haliwell (Scream If You Wanna Go Faster) to get me home again. Never say I don't have a wide taste.

I have even managed to get up the town today - where I realised what it was that was nagging at me after getting in to work with no traffic for two days in a row. The bloody kids are off school for the summer now. The place was full fo the little horrors. Still, I got what I went out for - Iron Maiden's Rock In Rio DVD and also an unexoected bonus of The Big Blue which is a film about divers and dolphins and stuff that was recommended on the Llamasoft forums this morning. Well, it was only £8 on the market so I thought I'd take the chance. Joan even agrees with me there so we will hopefully not be disappointed. Back to timetables now...

So here I am back at work. Oh joy and rapture. Be still my beating heart. And other such crap.

Only 269 emails waiting for me when I logged in this morning. Might get through them all by the end of the day, but somehow doubt it. Ended up having to take 4 days of holiday and one flexi-day for last week, after getting compassionate leave for the first 5 days. Better than Bhupen I guess as he had to take it all as holiday, but not what I really wanted. Still got enough left for another three weeks between now and April plus whatever flexi I can build up so we will get away at some point. We have even picked up some brochures so might look at them later.

Also a whole stack of bus service changes that have come in during the last fortnight. Weren't any for ages before we went off!

The re-organization thing is still going on as before. No chance it would seem of stopping the two of us having to fight for senior status. Part of me is just totally pissed off with the whole situation while the rest just wants it all to go away. Whatever happens I'll still have a job of some description and no less money coming in (more even, if the union ever decides to accept an offer - I'm not a member but have to wait for my pay rise anyway). In the end it is only a job and recent events just re-inforce the feeling that it doesn't really matter what I do at work, so long as I make the most of the time at home. So once I've made up the 2½ hours I'm down on time at the moment I think I will concentrate on building up a few days by working longer hours just so I can do some of the things I want to do rather than have to do.

Hmm, just had a phone call asking for timetable books in Bury. Think I will book a car and have a day out later in the week. I probably need one!

I think the worst part of today was looking at my diary - the first half of this week has "Keep Free - Trip to visit Ernie?" written in large letters all over it. There's something I'll never write again. Also realised I forgot to put in the bit above about all the hassle over treating him - one of the doctors was even proposing moving him to another hospital for kidney dialysis. What planet are these people from? He probably wouldn't even have made the trip and it wouldn't have done a darn thing to solve the underlying problem. Just prolonged the agony a bit longer.

Oh well, nothing more I can say will change things.

On a lighter note, am now reading my way through an omnibus edition of The Dilbert Principle, The Dilbert Future and The Joy Of Work, all by Scott Adams. Just funny enough to keep me sane (but not too far gone to seem in bad taste at the moment) and also horribly true about what is going on around me here at the moment.

Only another hour or so to go!

And finally I get the chance to write a bit more.

Thursday we did some more shopping and sorting out of stuff during the day. Also Joan went to the doctor and we had everyone around for dinner in the evening - a sort of mopping up of the whole process plus farewell to Sheila. It also allowed Bhupen to help her pack her cases - obviously I'm not capable of such a complicated task!

Friday we got up early and I took Sheila to Heathrow for her flight home. I was expecting a long and stressful run complete with lots of traffic and hold-ups as is normal on both the A12 and M25, especially with it being the last day of term so no doubt some families would have removed their sprogs from school a day early and be heading off on their holidays. We left here with a good 3½-4 hours to spare before the last minute she could check in, and got there in a little over 2. I have never seen those roads so empty. There was just a little bit of stop-starting around the M40 interchange. Uncanny. It was also a doddle to find a parking space and there were no queues at the check-in desks either. Most strange. Anyway, she got checked in OK and from all subsequent accounts the flight went on time and she got home fine (for about 5 minutes before heading off to see her daughter's new home now they have finally moved in after months of waiting for it to be built - and I just realised that today is their first wedding anniversary).

My trip back to Felixstowe was almost as uneventful as the journey down. I did make one stop to fill me up with an egg & sausage sandwich (at South Mimms services, where Joan and I had our first holiday - a couple of nights in the Travelodge with easy access to London!) and had to queue between the M11 and A12, but otherwise again free flowing all the way home. I seem to recall dozing through much of the afternoon and then we had a relaxing evening watching tv - BB now down to the final 4/final week and we are actually quite keen to see Jonny win - and not just because he's from County Durham.

Yesterday we thought would be simple. We have been after something new for the lounge to store the DVDs and stuff in. So, off we trotted in the morning into Felixstowe. Nothing available to suit. So we then went up to Ipswich. Not the town centre but all the little retail parks dotted around the outskirts. Again, nothing doing. We did manage to have a very nice lunch at Fatty Arbuckle's American Diner (mmm, pancakes with Maple Syrup, almost as good as being back in Canada again) and look at lots of cars though. We are begining to think that it might be time to replace the Escort and are just looking at options for what is available and how much we want to pay. We are thinking of going smaller again though as there are only the two of us and we don't buy a lot of big stuff. And when we do there is always the delivery or borrow Dad's Volvo option. Perhaps a Ford Fiesta or Ka. We shall see.

When we got home Joan was zonked so I did a bit of ironing (with a soundtrack from Kingmaker - Sleepwalking and The Human League - Romantic?) while she slept. Then we went round to Ma & Pa's for a big Chinese meal. That was very nice and from one in town rather than our usual haunt of the Magic Wok (well, that one is on the corner of our street, it would seem rude to go elsewhere).

Today we have again been in to Felixstowe. Joan wanted to check on how things had been going at work while she was away so I had a wander about for a while until I ran out of magazines to read in Smiths and thought I ought to go find her before I started buying DVDs instead. In the end we had lunch at Wimpy and came home with another 6 foot bookcase for the dining room (to be used for shiny discs not books in the main instead of something for the lounge) and also a USB hub for the PC. Been after one of those since Christmas and now no longer have to reach round the back of the PC when wanting to swap between playing games and printing.

So that's us up to date again. Not sure what we will do tonight, but not a lot sounds good to me!

I have been thinking a bit more about the events of the 9th. I know Ernie was fairly aware of what was going on until a few hours after they withdrew treatment and just let the morphine do its stuff, but I don't recall anyone ever actually talking to him about what was going to happen. He did ask Helen a couple of times when it was all going to end, but never said anything specific about what he wanted to do and if he was ready for that really. I can't decide what I would want to do if it was me lying there wired up with no hope. Would I go for the option of letting everyone else make decisions and not know the end was near or would I want the chance to be involved in the choice? I think I would like to know I was on my way out in the next couple of hours just so I could say some proper goodbyes before drifting off on the drugs. It just seemed a bit odd to me that nobody wanted to give him that chance, but were rather keen to let him go on thinking things would be OK until he wasn't awake any more.

Well, it wasn't my choice so I will just have to live with how it happened. I hope I get my own way when the time comes though.

Back to work tomorrow so should be able to keep this more up to date again.

Dang it, you write all that and then the sodding thing refuses to publish.

Any luck now?

What a week and a half that was. Where on earth do I begin and how to get it all down in words without it sounding too trite in places? Well, I shall just have to press on with it and see how it goes.

Sunday the whatever it was, I had it all planned for a nice quiet evening when Joan got home from work. We were going to try that new grill thing and just generally relax.

We got as far as Joan having a bath before the phone rang and blew everything to pieces. It was Joan's aunt Dahlia (Ernie's Sister) to tell us that she had been to see him in hospital and things had taken a turn for the worst. So basically we dropped everything, threw a few clothes in a case and hit the road along with Helen, Bhupen & Alexander in their car. We arrived at the hospital at about 0130 Monday morning and were immediately confronted with a doctor asking us to agree to a Do Not Ressucitate order. Not the best way to end a 6 hour journey.

It turned out he had actually had a small heart attack under the gas for the operation on thursday and then another, bigger one on Friday. Pity they didn't tell us that over the phone. Anyway, we had a bit of a chat with the doctor, nurses and Ern himself and then Bhupen & Alexander went off to the house to get a bit of rest while the three of us settled down to see what the morning would bring.

I think I caught a couple of hours sleep in a chair somewhere but can't really remember.

On Monday we had him moved to a side room as the rest of the ward was a bit noisy and he couldn't get any rest. Fair enough really as it was the High Dependency Unit and everyone was hooked up to at least three machines. The three of us who had stayed the night went home to get changed then back for more waiting and thinking.

We had a bit of an argument with the surgeon who had done the leg op (which was a success) and one of his juniors over what should be done next. They were adamant that we should do everything to keep Ernie going but we could see how pointless it all was. Basically the rest of his body was shutting down because the heart was too damaged by the attacks to do any real pumping of blood, and as there was no hope for a repair or transplant it just seemed cruel to us to keep him going with more drugs and machines.

The chaps went home again that night and then on Tuesday morning picked up Sheila from Newcastle airport and brought her in. None of us left again until it was over from that point. Monday night had been pretty awful for Ernie as he was begining to throw up blood - in quite large quantities and by Tuesday lunchtime we had all agreed that all the drugs were doing was prolonging the inevitable and the doctors agreed, so at exactly 12 midday they withdrew everything except the pain relief and all we could do then was watch and wait.

There were a couple more hours where he was drifting in and out of conciousness, and obviously getting more confused as the morphine kicked in. His last few sentences were about thinking two thoughts at the same time, dreaming different dreams in each side of his head and wanting to share a sandwich with Joan. It was very heartbreaking and in some ways a relief when around three pm he stopped waking up.

For us watching and waiting it got worse around 5ish when he started to stop breathing. He would go for 3 or 4 minutes with the breathing getting increasingly ragged and then stop for 30 to 40 seconds. We'd all lean forward to see if that was it and then he'd start off again. That went on for nearly 7 hours of stop-start worry for us until the end came at 1245 making his date of death officially the 10th.

The girls had spent a couple of hours debating about whether to get a priest in to help see him off, and finally made their minds up in time for him to arrive at 1230. He came in, laid his hand on Ernie's head and did some prayers etc (I can't remember what) before finally finishing with "...and tonight, Ernie, you will walk in paradise with the Lord" and at that exact moment he stopped breathing for the last time. Which was a bit spooky to say the least. We came to the conclusion that he must have been waiting for permission to die.

So, that was that. The first death I've witnessed and not a pleasant experience.

The staff on the ward were all absolutely marvellous while we were there. Never intrusive, always ready to help and explain things to us, willing to back us against the surgeons and so forth. They all thought Ernie was a great bloke from the time they had spent with him, and I shall certainly back them to the hilt if ever it came to a crisis with the NHS.

We hung around for a while before finally all going back to the house to sleep and see what happened next.

The sleeping arrangements were a bit awkward and the three girls ended up sharing the double bed their parents had used while us lads rotated between, sofa, single matress and floor in the lounge.

After making the arrangements we then divided our time between clearing out the house (over 100 black sacks and counting, not to mention innumerable trips to the charity shops), sorting out the paperwork (which mainly fell on my head although I then got shouted at for taking over - I'll forgive Helen for now, but if she ever tries to use it against me in the future there really will be hell to pay), making the necessary arrangements and just getting on with distracting ourselves to get through it all.

The funeral was on Monday and went very well. The vicar was a lovely bloke (even if he does look a lot like Ronnie Corbet) and got everything we wanted to say into his speech. He also nearly managed to kill himself tripping over a microphone cable at the crematorium (but resisted the "goodnight from me" gag we were all half expecting when the curtains closed on the coffin). We went back to the pub he used to visit afterwards and all went pretty well considering. Then yesterday we had a little ceremony in the church yard to inter the ashes along with those of Joan's Mum which she had kept for the last 10 years waiting for this moment. That was also a nice event in a way as it brought a lot of things to an end and reunited the pair of them. They have also been placed with the view he never wanted to leave, so that was kind of fitting.

As an aside, it scared me half to death when I first discovered Joan had kept her Mum's ashes. It was before I moved in with her int he flat - we were moving the furniture around and she suddenly yelled at me to be careful with the box I was about to pick up as her Mum was in it. Not what you expect on a lazy Sunday afternoon!

We also did a lot of shopping for bits and bobs (the girls all got new outfits and hired hats to make sure they gave their Dad a proper send-off) visiting the Metro Centre and Chester-Le-Street among other places. Ate a lot of takeaways (it was decided as soon as we woke up on Wednesday that this was no time for cooking and all the pans got thrown out first) and did some evening driving (trips up to the Angel of the North, into Newcastle to see the new bridge across the Tyne and also down to the coast at South Shields). There was also a lot of catching up with family up there, sitting around talking and laughing over memories and old photos and stuff like that. Also numerous visits to the Chapel of Rest to put flowers and photos in the coffin with him - my first encounter with a corpse too. He looked a lot better then than during the final hours and helped to put my mind at ease a bit.

In the end though, 82 years of Ernie and 72 of Jessie all distilled into two cars loaded with stuff and people that left the North East for probably the last time (although I hope we will be able to go back at some point, even if just passing through on the way to Scotland) and got back here at 1 this morning.

All in all an eventful series of days.

It was nice to sleep in our own bed last night!

I did manage to find a bit of time for myself during all the hubbub to read as I need that to calm my head at times. Rather than take the classic buses I instead read Distraction by Bruce Sterling which was actually just what I needed. It would be filed as Sci-Fi but is about 90% politics. Very good.

We didn't really watch any TV during the time we were there (and yesterday gave it to the hospital) and no music was consumed either.

So now we have a few more days to get back down to earth before returning to work on Monday. Sheila goes back to Canada on Friday (guess who's got the airport run...) and then we will have the weekend to ourselves.

I think that's about it for today. You can guess where the girls are (I'll give you a clue, starts with B and ends with INGO!) but I did the drop off so Bhupen will bring them home.

D'oh - forget my head if it wasn't screwed on.

Meant to mention in that post about last night's sleeping and dreaming. Didn't sleep very well at all - unless I had several consecutive dreams that featured me looking at the clock and the time slowly progressing!

The main dream, however, was much stranger than that but also if true would explain an awful lot about the way things work. Joan and I got sucked through into another universe that was almost the same as this one, but just ever so slightly different in places. Apparantly this sort of thing was going on all the time with traffic in both directions. So, for instance, all the cheap rip-off merchandising you get around films that isn't quite what the official stuff ought to be (as found in pound shops and on market stalls etc) isn't cheap chinese forgeries but actually the real stuff from this other universe slipped through into ours by mistake. It was also home to all the people who have disappeared over the years etc. Well, it made sense to me at 3 this morning anyway!

Friday night ended well - justice was done and Adele was voted out of the Big Brother house. We slept peacefully after that!

Yesterday was a fairly typical Joan at work and Simon at home kind of day for the majority of it. I ironed in the morning with help from:

Chumbawamba - Swingin' With Raymond AND i - Portraits of Anarchists
Sum 41 - All Killer No Filler
Alien Ant Farm - Anthology
The Orb - Adventures Beyond The Ultraworld

Then had a mosey about on here and lunch. With lunch I decided it was about time I re-watched The Haunting what I got for my birthday last year as it is the main film ripped off in Scary Movie 2 which we will probably watch tonight. I'm not sure if the ending made any more sense second time around but I still enjoyed it. Must watch the extras on there sometime as some of the FX were really quite good.

That was followed by the obligatory (it seems) falling asleep on the couch until it was time to pick Joan up from work. I was a bit annoyed with myself for that but again must have needed some sleep. Really must get around to seeing the Doctor again to find out if there's anything he can do to stop me nodding off all the time.

When Joan got home we made the standard issue calls to the hospital and relatives to see how Ernie was and pass it along. She got a bit of a shock when they said what they were having to help him with - I don't think she realised he would be all tubed and monitored up for a few days after the op. Still, progress appears to be being made - his sense of humour is coming back and so forth. Fingers are begining to relax from the crossed position I think.

After that we went round to Ma & Pa's for dinner, which was nice to be able to switch off a bit. Their extension is coming along well and the food was lovely.

Today Joan is at work again and so far I have cleaned out the bathroom and played a few games on here. The soundtrack to the morning has been Crawl, from The Beyond (who were just starting out in Derby when I was at college there and generally superb the couple of times I saw them - pity they didn't last more than two albums) and Implant from Eat Static. This afternoon the ironing calls again - which should help to keep me awake during the British Grand Prix.

Tonight's tea will feature chicken cooked on the new George Forman health grill thingy Joan bought yesterday. All the reports from other people rate them highly so we shall see.

Mmmmm. All full up now with Burger and Chips and Onion Rings and Coke and Grease. Lovely! Joan has already bought two DVDs today (one with Will Hay and one Jackie Chan) - don't know anything about either of them so that will be a change to watch. Still raining though so I'm a teensy bit damp. Now just have to hang around here until they want to come home.

I know where I'd rather be though.

And so it rains again. Well, a whole dry day was nice anyway.

Ernie was doing much better last night when I phoned to check on him. Breathing and obs back to normal and he was asleep naturally. So, that's something to smile about anyway.

I am also smiling for other reasons today. Firstly I don't feel too tired. Slept fairly well - only woke up once when Joan thought it was a good idea to wake me from a dream. Was dreaming about the parking problems we have been having with next door - he had finally decided he was going to park where he wanted whatever and was somehow getting his car on top of ours. I think I must have gone round to complain as when Joan did the good deed I was thrashing about and shouting "you've got two minutes to move the bloody thing or I'm getting the Police". I wonder what the conclusion would have been. Anyway, I slept well again after that - to the point that although I remember the alsrm going I must have just zonked straight out again and not finally got up until an hour after normal. Luckily I made some time up and only got here half an hour later than I usually do. Praise be to flexi-time though.

Secondly the postman brought me a set of cdroms today containing about 2-3,000 old arcade games ready to use on the PC with MAME (Multiple Arcade Machine Emulator). There go any hopes of getting anything useful done this weekend.

Thirdly Joan is off again today and is in Ipswich right now along with Alexander. So, despite the weather I am goingup town in 25 minutes time to meet them for lunch. I feel junk food calling (well, Alexander doesn't really eat anything else).

And I've designed a nice advert this morning too.

Terrible news at lunchtime - Boots have (a) put the price of their meal deals up by 10p and (b) stopped doing the chicken & sweetcorn sarnie I like. Had to settle for a cheese topped Ham and Emmental roll instead, which was quite nice but not in the same league.

Joan's foot rub thing went well enough for her to book another one next month, so that'll do her good.

Ernie has come through the surgery. The actual op went well, but at the moment he is having a bit of trouble breathing so has been moved to a high dependency ward (one step down from intensive care). I guess he was lucky they even agreed to knock him out at 82 and he should be back to normal soon they reckon. We shall see. Probably going up there in a couple of weeks time.

Time to go home now, methinks.