Coming up again

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a couple of weeks now, but have been a bit scared to do so in case the act of writing it destroyed the mood.  But it is something I want to get out in the open so here we go. 

I think I am now safe to declare that I am coming out of the worst six or seven months of mental turmoil I have experienced in the last 15+ years.  It really has not been a fun ride in my head of late but things are pretty much back on an even keel now, and even if nobody else ever reads this I want to record a few thoughts so I can look back on this in future if I feel myself sliding again.

My main problem is anxiety and dwelling on the past rather than straight depression, but one leads to the other in my case and in this instance I know the exact trigger that set it off. As readers may know, I deal with bus stops, shelters etc. in my day job and over the last couple of years we have done a load of work in Ipswich. Both bus stations refurbished, new real time information system and other stuff. And I have also been getting new bus shelters and enhanced bus stops done across the rest of the County as well. All during a time when I have basically had no help – my team member was seconded to another role and it was over a year before we were allowed to replace him. And that has taken three attempts with the first person refusing the job in the end and the second failing his probationary period (basically wasting six months trying to bring him up to speed). So to say I was under a bit of pressure would be an understatement.

Then when we got to the Christmas works break imposed on us by the town centre people there was a big fuss in the media about how the project was running late, important bits weren't working and so forth. A lot of that concentrated on the real time system to the point of the local radio station interviewing people at one of the bus stations and pointing out the one screen that wasn't working and ignoring the rest that all were doing fine. Being the kind of chap who takes things to heart, this sent me spiralling off the deep end and by the time Christmas itself came around I was in a real black place.

I'm not really sure how I got through Christmas as I just wanted to run and hide most of time. This will sound terrible, but I guess it helped that Joan had a bad tooth over the festive period. Being able to focus on taking her to the dentist a couple of times and having her to worry about managed to draw my focus away from me. When I went back to work in the New Year I knew I had to do something about it.

So, I went to see my doctor and got my anti-depressants upped, and took the step of seeking out some more help through our occupational health service. I had had some counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy back in 2000 last time I had a real flare up, so I knew it would help, but admitting to myself that I needed it was one of the toughest things I have ever done. But my word it helped, six sessions over a couple of months with a really great bloke and I'm close to feeling normal again. Some of the hardest conversations I've ever had – the sessions left me physically as well as mentally drained at first while I poured things out. I'm still reviewing bits of them a month or so later and trying to look for the positives.

One thing that has become clear to me is that I function best with plans and targets – and not just in the work environment. When we have a week off I like to think about things we could do, places to visit and so forth and am terrible at just taking each day as it comes. For example when we hit the states last year I had spent hours on the web looking for things to see near our hotels, places to check out when we had free time and so forth. And it didn't matter to me at the end that we had done hardly any of them as the holiday was well structured anyway, but going into it without a plan to fall back on gave me the creeps. I'm the same every weekend – I need to think about when we will go shopping, if we can take a day trip or whatever. Just waking up on Saturday morning with nothing on the agenda scares me! I feel like I flounder around and waste the day without something to aim for. So telling myself that I want to sit in the sun and read a couple of days in advance is much easier than just deciding to relax and do just that on the day.

We have also stopped paying attention to the local press, as they seem to delight in pouncing on the smallest mistake or problem whilst ignoring many of the great things that are being done.

I had planned to write more than that when I started this draft a couple of days ago, but can't now recall what so instead I shall drop in something I wrote after the fourth session which sums up a lot of how I felt.

I am sitting at a desk, in an office, in an average building in an ordinary town and I wonder why I am still here. I am not the oldest person in my team, but I often feel I ought to be as I have been here longer than anyone else. They make a joke of it when new people join us: “oh, he's part of the furniture” they say. And I wonder which part.

I have been trodden on by the ambitious as they make their way into jobs I have better skills for, so maybe I am the carpet. But does that count? Is a carpet really furniture? So maybe I am a chair – certainly I feel the weight of days sitting on me sometimes. And I have saved many an overeager manager from hitting the floor when their plans have gone awry.

Or perhaps I am a desk – holding paper and pens and computers. The tools we all need to meet our objectives. But no, most days I am a filing cabinet – or in these modern times a data server. Overflowing with images and information. Most of it forgotten, but there to be dragged out when needed. Yes, that must be me, Been here so long that I have seen it all before and stored it away, ready to share and help when the others meet a problem for the first time.

And now someone else has a question for me, and of course I know the answer. But maybe this time the file will be encrypted. Let them find the password to unlock my potential and then, perhaps, I can be me again.

Make of that what you will!

Adventures in La La land

I confess, I’d just about given up on me finishing this so if anyone is still interested here’s the last few days condensed.

Day 14 – Downtown LA and Burbank

A spot of sightseeing to see fill the morning taking in:

The Colliseum – main venue for the ’84 Olympics and also right next door to and aerospace museum that happened to have a 2-seater Lockheed Blackbird on a stick outside, so naturally I forced myself to jog over and take a look at that too. 

“Historic” Olvera Street – Hispanic market and site of (perhaps) the original settlement in town.  Joan was happy to find a church and have time to light a candle, and she also got a lovely bracelet at the market.

La Brea Tar Pits – I have heard of these as sources of prehistoric animal remains, but never expected them to be in the heart of LA!

Farmers Market – Great place for lunch!

Then the afternoon took us to Warner Brothers for a studio tour.  That was a real hit and miss affair for us.  The insights into film and tv making were limited but interesting, and some of the standing sets were good to see and recognise, but the parts concentrating on current US tv shows were somewhat irrelevant as we had never seen any of those featured.  There was also a display of Harry Potter props and costumes, which was a nice little reminder of our trip to the UK studio earlier in the year, and also a load of Batman stuff for the 75^th anniversary.  That was definitely my favourite.

Day 15 – Disneyland

As the hotel was only a stone’s throw from the house of mouse, and we had a free day, it just had to be done.  And I really enjoyed it.  I do like a thrill ride so managed a couple of those (Space Mountain, Indiana Jones) along with some more sedate experiences (It’s A Small World, Pirates Of The Caribbean, the Monorail) and those somewhere in between (Star Tours and a few others) as well as lots of wandering about and enjoying the place.  Plus the parade which was much more entertaining than I was expecting.  It was a little expensive but we didn’t see/ride half of it and I would definitely go again should we ever be in the area.

Day 16- Hollywood and home

And so our last day in America dawned.  A trip up to Hollywood to see some more famous bits (Chinese Theatre, that sign (from a distance), the Hollywood Bowl) and a drive to the airport via Beverley Hills and that was that.  OK, there were still a few diversions along the way – two of our group got pulled off to one side after testing positive for explosives on the hand swab at check-in (One had been handling her mother’s lighter, the other had perhaps picked something up off a cd thrust at him in Hollywood) and then I set the machine off too, but so did the people before me and we all retested negative on a second one so I didn’t have to get grilled and they presumably had to get the machine fixed.  I guess I managed to sleep through the night and woke up in time to see a bit of London from the plane before we touched down on what was technically Day 17.  Problem-free arrival back into the UK and then an untroubled drive home via Halstead to drop some of the group off.

Holiday score 10/10.

More holiday musings

Day Seven: Las Vegas    

A chance to have a lie-in and lazy day for some, but we were up early as usual for a trip out to the Hoover Dam.  Made sense to get up there before the day got too hot, and it was a sight that had to be seen, but a little bit of extra sleep would have been nice.

OK so I’m a sucker for a massive feat of engineering and this sure fits that bill, but everyone who took the trip came away impressed.  It is a mahoosive lump of concrete holding back water when you come down to it.  OK, lots of little lumps stuck together (fact gleaned from the museum bit – if it had been poured as one large block the core would still not have set).  That lump, though, is just wonderful.  Lots of totally unnecessary architectural details and flourishes (Art Deco ones at that because of when it was built) that add nothing to the functionality but make the thing gosh darn pretty to look at.  It was also interesting to see just how much the current drought is affecting Southern California – the water level in Lake Mead is visibly low and flow through the dam was obviously nowhere near what they are capable of.

The bridge across the river from the Hoover Dam, just to be a confusing picture of approximately the right place!

The busyness of the last week caught up with us after this though, and following a brief walk around the overbridges crossing the roads by our hotel (OK, I wanted to get some nice high level bus photos, so sue me!) we crashed out for the afternoon.  A lovely refreshing sleep but I am sure many would consider it a total waste of time in Vegas.  We wanted to be ready for the evening though.

Another optional excursion beckoned – this time for a show and a meal.  We hadn’t really thought about whether to see a show or not before we flew, knowing there was this option on the trip anyway but not wanting to commit until we had more of a feel for the place.  A couple of folks from the coach went off to see other things – some to Rock Of Ages, and one couple to see Celine Dion – but once more this was a trip that appealed to most of us.  And what we saw was the Ratpack tribute night over at the Rio.  Excellent sound-alikes (and not too bad on the looks either) recreating the feel of the heyday of the crooners, with some slightly odd updates.  That jarred a bit to me – just when you are getting the Sinatra vibe he cracks a joke about video poker or Viagra.  I felt it should have been left as a paean to the ‘50s.  Still good, just a bit odd.  This was followed by the Rio buffet which I believe is billed as the biggest in town and certainly had enough variety to keep us trying more dishes than was safe for the waistline.  Burp.

Day Eight: Las Vegas to Visalia.

Another day basically given over to travel, but with some interesting stops along the way; the first of these being the “ghost town” of Calico.  This had been “improved” with a paved main street which kind of killed the atmosphere for me, but accessibility has to be considered these days.  And it was possible to wander off down the old dirt tracks to really see the way it used to be.  Add in a couple of cowboys wandering around and some tasty pancakes in the saloon and it made for an enjoyable enough diversion.

There was another truck stop visit (where there was a chap selling fantastic fruit) but mostly the day was spent driving through the desert.  We passed some amazing solar power stations and also Edwards Airforce Base (but at an extreme distance so nothing to see) but nothing really sticks in the mind.

Our hotel that night was in Visalia and was once again very nice and comfortable.  We had dinner in the town at a sports bar (hilarious, given my total lack of interest in nearly all sport, but excellent steak).  And that was that really.  Probably the least thrilling day of the holiday.

Day Nine: Visalia to Modesto

Of course what that sub-header doesn’t mention is the via point…  In this case Yosemite National Park - another absolutely beautiful highlight of the trip for me.  A long and winding drive in and out again to reach the main scenic spots and visitor centre, so inevitably not as long at the heart of the valley as we might have wished for, but everywhere you looked something stunning caught the eye.  While we had a sandwich we were plagued by friendly squirrels and also blue Jays which was interesting, and then we had a wander up to the falls and through the woods.  Really peaceful (despite the crowds in places) and the redwoods are a joy to behold.  So big and yet fitting in to their surroundings perfectly.  Add this to the list of places I’d like to go back to.

Modesto was odd.  Most famous for being where George Lucas grew up and inspiration for American Graffiti (although it wasn’t filmed there as the town had changed too much in the intervening years).  I had a post-arrival wander down to the bus station as it was over the road from the hotel, but otherwise not much to see.  We ate in the hotel restaurant (perfectly OK) and that was about that.

A bus in Modesto!

Harumph

32/365 Rainy day observations, a photo by The original SimonB on Flickr.

I'm sure somebody out there can dig up statistics to show it doesn't rain more at lunchtimes than during the rest of the working day, but it sure seems that way to me right now. Not that I had any pressing need for a lunchtime wander today, I just like to get away from the office for a bit if possible. And yes, I could wrap up and go out anyway, but the thought of spending the afternoon with slowly drying trousers doesn't appeal somehow.

Hopefully the weekend will have some bright spots.

Last weekend was lovely. The combination of a few days off, sunshine and my Birthday seems more than a week in the past though. Time, it would seem, flies just as fast when at work as when you are having fun, no matter how much individual minutes seem to drag on.

Who I listened to in 2013

2013 music, a photo by The original SimonB on Flickr.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned on here before that I don’t get as much time to listen to music as I would like, but the word cloud above is a good representation of what I have managed to get through in the last twelve months. (You can click it to go through to Flickr and then get to the full size version so you can actually read the smaller words). I started back in January to list every time any artist got played so while it doesn’t tell us whether I listened to someone more in summer or winter months, we do get an indication of how many times people cropped up. This is made up of in-car, in-house and in-walkphone listening with no differentiation between when and where (I may have been dedicated/sad enough to make a note of every aural experience, but not enough to further categorize them). And the cloud is a much nicer way of looking at them than just a list of artist names with. NB “Various artist” compilations or whoever popped up by sticking iTunes on shuffle aren’t here – only artists I have chosen to listen to a whole bunch of songs from.

As such, it needs to be pointed out that this is not a result of random choice or fully by the selection of who I want to hear on a given day. I realised a couple of years ago that I tended to stick to the same old stuff and was ignoring a goodly percentage of my music collection. To combat that I introduced a strict three-disc rotation system for in-car listening while still allowing myself free-reign over any other music. So the rotation is 1: Artist I have several albums by but haven’t necessarily listened to for a while (in chronological order for each artist as they come up), 2: Artists I only have one CD by (in alphabetical order) and 3: New discs. Two years in and I am still only up to K for number two, but I have rediscovered some absolute gems. Discs for number three seem to accumulate without me realising it (Santa and the sales have just added a slew more to that pile). So as an example starting today on the drive to work we had 1: Hayseed Dixie (actually started them last week so they got one entry on last year’s list. I have five official albums and two bootlegs – all will get played in order so if I do a similar word cloud next year they will end up quite “large”). This will be followed by 2: King’s X (always a surprise to me that I only have one of theirs on CD and really must get more); 3: Eat Static (a Christmas present replacing a 20year old cassette with the CD version at last) then 1: Hayseed Dixie again, 2: King Swamp and 3: Daevid Allen (another Christmas present) etc. On the rare occasions that I run out of new discs to bung in the rotation I generally double-up on the single cd artists. When I finally reach Z on the artists I only have one disc by I intend to go through again for those with just two on the shelf.

On my phone I listen mainly to Audio Books and podcasts (This American Life, Selected Shorts, Short Cuts, The Infinite Monkey Cage, Jon Ronson On…) but intersperse those with music too. That used to be just random tracks but as I am slowly getting all my CDs ripped I now generally fill up the memory card with four or five books, and then the same numbers of podcasts and albums. Although the album tracks get randomly shuffled between the books and pods they still count as full listens so the artists get added to the list. But as I am only about halfway through the ripping process this adds another level of bias into what I listen to. And there has been no structure at all to the ripping – just what I’ve fancied hearing when out and about or in the study so may as well rip the disc while I have it upstairs…

And then there is just general listening to whatever I fancy from whatever source when I’m home alone and can crank the volume up.

Why do I make my life so complicated?

Another year nearly done

356/365 fairly lights, a photo by The original SimonB on Flickr.

OK, so it seems I have been a bad blogger once again this year. I did have every intention of writing more, but life always seems to get in the way of these things and the time to waffle on just evaporates. So, a few things that I wanted to write about at the time of the occurrence, but just never got round to…

Canada
We had another great holiday there this year courtesy of MrsB’s sister. They have moved house from Burlington, Ontario to Paris, Ontario since we last visited which opened up loads of new places to explore. Paris itself is a lovely little town and the locals we met all seemed positively charming. Admittedly many of them were trying to sell us things or serve us food, but still they seemed genuine about it. OK, yes we did go down to Niagara Falls again (and took a five hour jaunt into the US while we were there) but I am not sure I will ever tire of seeing all that water doing the falling thing. My favourite pictures from the trip can of course all be found on Flickr, and if each one of them is worth a thousand words then feel free to go look and save me a lot of typing. However, particular highlights were Port Dover which has a smashing seaside vibe, even if the “sea” in question is actually Lake Erie; the beautiful old town of Elora (a bit of an artist’s hotspot) and, just because, the cars. Yes, I'm a sucker for an old American hot rod or muscle car, and there’s loads of them north of the border too. Plus of course it is always good to be with the family.

Work
I can honestly say I am quite proud of some of the things we have achieved this year. The two bus stations in Ipswich have been refurbished and despite the inevitable negativity in the local press I am more than happy with the end results, given the constraints we have to work under. Yes, it would have been nice if we could have done something a little bit more dramatic with them (headlines criticised them for looking a lot like the old versions – well yes, they are still bus stations and we didn't get any more land to play with) and it would have been lovely to have every facility people want but reality has to kick in somewhere. We are also nearly there with getting a decent real time passenger information system up and running in town (and then hopefully across the whole county). Just a little bit more data wrangling to do and then screens can go up early next year, which will hopefully be popular with the public.

50 years of Dr Who
Loved the anniversary special, and while I think Matt Smith has been an excellent Doctor I am really looking forward to the Christmas regeneration to see what Peter Capaldi brings to the part next year.

Other stuff
Looking back over the year it has been a generally steady one with no major catastrophes or major excitements to disrupt the splendid joy of a normal existence. Which is all anyone can ask for really. I’ve listened to a lot of music and read a lot of books, but they will get their own posts over the next couple of weeks complete with the big list of books (and maybe one of music too) as in previous years.

We have had some nice days out – some to London (including the Jack the Ripper and Secret London walking tour I was given as a birthday present) and also closer to home, just enjoying bits of Suffolk. And most of those have also included nice meals in assorted pubs and restaurants. Mind you, one of those also lead to us both spending the week in bed with food poisoning back in the summer, so it wasn’t all good. Although I think the positive days outweighed that one negative experience.

And, without realising it until recently, I think we have both finally stopped being paranoid about money. A maturing investment allowed us to pay off a chunk of the mortgage as well as having the good holiday and leaving us with a reserve for emergencies (hello, new dishwasher and back door frame) and we have reigned in spending on a few things, so no longer do I spend the last week of every month checking the bank accounts to make sure we can hang on until pay day. Which is a wonderful feeling at last.

So, all things considered, a good year. Here’s to 2014!

Caution: Contents may be cold

Mapmug2, a photo by The original SimonB on Flickr.

In what an only be described as a Water Cooler Conversation (because it actually took place while I was getting some cold water) one of my Managers revealed yesterday that she is unable to drink cold liquids from a mug. For her mugs can only be for hot drinks, and anything cold must be from a glass. Although she is fine with a Latte or posh hot chocolate in a glass "with a handle". This was not something I have ever considered might be a problem before. If I am thirsty, I'll happily drink from whatever container is to hand. As it happens, I tend to use mugs for cold drinks at work because (a) I normally bring my own mug in with me, use it throughout the day and take it home again for washing up I trust. I will admit to a slight issue with the communal cups and glasses here even though I know they are properly dealt with in a dishwasher rather than just being indifferently rinsed and put away as I have seen elsewhere. And (b) I don't consume tea or coffee anyway but we have a stack of mugs at home that would never otherwise get used if I didn;t cart them back and forth to the office.

Since then I have been trying to think of any other utensil "phobias" I might have, and just can't identify any. I'll slurp soup from a desert spoon if that's all there is, drink straight from a can/bottle or use a straw, happily use a wooden or plastic disposable chip fork or use my fingers when sitting on the sea front with a portion and don't insist on pre-packed sandwiches being decanted onto a plate before consumption. Anybody out there got any food consumption problems they'd like to share?

computerised archaeology

computerised, a photo by The original SimonB on Flickr.

OK, so I'm prepared to share that picture purely because rooting around in an old and presumed lost links folder I found this:

Way Of The Rodent Linky

Which is where you will find a bunch of old articles I wrote for an online computer magazine and may provide those of you desperate for more of my words with some form of consolation while I try and think of something new to say...

Happy New Year

Illuminati, a photo by The original SimonB on Flickr.

Er, hello!

Been a busy few weeks what with Christmas and having to put a new floor down in our dining room (curses on the previous occupants, praises to Our Lords of Black and Decker for their marvellous power tools and workmate) as well as moving office at the start of the month and just life in general getting in the way.

Anyway, hope everyone had a happy holiday and here's to 2012. When I hope to be a bit f a better blogger...

Empty Rooms

Our office is a bit like the Marie Celeste these days.  Half of those who used to work here have been shipped out to new locations, and about a quarter of the others took the money and ran so those of us who remain are rattling round somewhat.  At the time of writing, there are only three of us making use of the 20 desks I can see from my perch.  Still, we are being shipped out to a different office ourselves soon where it will all be noise and crowds again.  In fact so crowded that the 30 in our team are only being allocated 23 desks, so we will have to rely on holidays, sickness, study and site visits to ensure that we never all need to be in at once.  Worse still, it is out on the edge of town rather than in the centre, so my lunchtime wanderings are not going to be as interesting - although presumably not so expensive either.  Although we will be right next door to ASDA.

As such we are going through another orgy of archiving or chucking stuff out.  It always amazes me how much junk manages to accumulate over a short space of time.  Partly through the previous unreliability of our networks driving people to print and file every email they receive.  Folders and folders of them litter the desks, shelves and cupboards and never actually get referred to again.  Maybe one day the paperless office will become a reality, but I can't see it for a few years yet.


Anyway, that's all I've really got to say today.  Just want to add that if you've ever (a) read a book or (b) bought a book you'll probably enjoy Jen Campbell's blog, and if you do then she's doing a great poetry project to raise some money for a worthwhile charity here.

Communal Comedy

Got a bit of an insight into two different aspects of life last night - communal living and political activism.  Josie Long's Alternative Reality Tour came to the Old Hall commune in East Bergholt and we went along to be entertained and educated.  The tour is visiting places that don't normally get on the normal touring map, and is being organised largely through word of mouth and twittering.  A bit more organised than Amanda Palmer's "Ninja gigs" but along the same line.

I had completely forgotten there was an active commune in the birthplace of Constable (and Tory safe seat!) but they have been living in Old Hall since the 70s and all seem to be doing well on it.  I think most of the residents were there for the show along with as handful of us outsiders - we were made welcome and didn't feel like we were intruding on their home.  The idea of communal living has never really appealed to me.  Being thrown in with strangers at college was strange enough so I'm not sure I could handle life with more than just the immediate family (i.e. Mrs B) around.  Heck, some days I get annoyed by the next door  neighbour popping in (or indeed, just being on the other side of the fence when we are in the garden).

Still, the concepts of living as susatinably as possible, raising your own food, helping each other out and generally being nice to one another are all ones I fully endorse.  Good luck to one and all - not that they seem to need it.

The show itself was superb.  I've been a fan of Josie for a while through the Utter Shambles podcasts she does with Robin Ince, Twitter and other places - although not actually seen her perform before.  That's something I still haven't quite got used to in this interconnected modern world - being able to know a lot about someone, appreciate their humour/message/whatever without ever having actually experienced what they do most of the time.  In this sort of field it goes far beyond, say, liking a band's music but not owning any of their records or having been to see them live.

Part of the ethos for this tour is "anti-cuts" and trying to get people inspired to find alternatives to the budget slashing going on around us right now and take action against it.  With both of us working in the public sector and being under constant threat of being the victim of the cuts I'm right behind this.  And if you can make people laugh at the same time then so much the better in my book.  The venue was just right for the message (in fact we were in the old chapel (now de-consecrated) rather than just loose in the hall) with a teeny stage and a few standard lamps, leaving us free to concentrate on the matter in hand.  I had thought about taking a camera to capture the moment but decided against it in the end as I know I would have ended up more bothered by angles and framing rather than being part of the audience.

As with the communists (!) I'm not sure I could ever get as directly involved in taking action - always a bit paranoid about unforeseen consequences - but fully support those who do.  I have the convictions but not the courage I guess.  Having followed the student protests, UKuncut occupations etc it was fascinating to hear more from someone who'd been on the inside.

We also had sublime music from Aisha and Grace Petrie and a bit more comedy from Tom.

All told, a great way to spend an evening at a remarkably reasonable cost (i.e. free!).  If you get the chance, catch one of the rest of the tour dates.

And lo September arrived and a new era dawned. Or, yesterday I couldn't even spell Engynear and now I are one!

After 5 months or so of consultation, discussion, uncertainty, drip-feed of information, interviews and worry we find ourselves in a new working structure today. All intended to make us a leaner and meaner organisation realising large savings and get us into shape for another restructuring, joint working company or straightforward sell-off to the private sector in 2013. In theory I now have new managers at the two levels above my direct supervisor (who hasn't changed) and a whole bunch of new colleagues shuffled around from different teams in the old way of thinking.

In practice I am sat on my own at my usual desk with emptiness all around due to most of the rest of the new team being on holiday and a large chunk of the old having moved out to new locations. And I have a new job title to put in my email signature or on letters should I get any that need answering today. Yesterday I was a Senior Passenger Transport Infrastructure Officer while now I am a Project Development Engineer. But I'm still doing the same work as far as I can tell.

I'm sure it will all work out soon enough, but right now I feel at a bit of a loose end with nothing concrete to be getting on with and a feeling that I ought to be getting some Engineering skills training. Not that I might ever use it, but now I've got the job title I feel I ought to get the knowledge.

Still, only got today and tomorrow to fumble through then I'm off for two weeks much needed break myself. No doubt everything will become clearer when I get back. And MrsB is in town today so I'll be meeting her for lunch.

Into the Groove

Into the Groove, a photo by The original SimonB on Flickr.

I know I've been lax with this recently. Still can't think of anything earth-shattering to write, so here's part one of somehting I satrted a couple of years ago and really ought to get on with. Maybe publishing this bit will spur me on.

Music has provided the background to my life for as long as I can remember as well as being the focus for a number of key moments. If I’m not deliberately listening to something then I still have music running through my head (sometimes even when I am listening to something I’ll get another song intrude). I can’t shut it off. Sometimes it gets distracting when I want to concentrate but I’d rather have it there than not.

There was always music in our house, usually Dad’s choice of whatever he fancied (often classical but also lots of stuff from the 60s) and this wasn’t confined to the living room. I know my brother and I both had large valve radios we used to listen to, complete with little diamond shape stickers plastered over the front to indicate where each station could be found – no presets back then! Mine was attached to the underside of an old breakfast bar installed in my room as a large desk. Known as “the bar” until we moved out of the house it served as base for a thousand lego creations, half-written stories, airfix kits and was somewhere for homework to be tackled. But most importantly it was big enough to put a pair of speakers on and still leave room to use the rest. Sometime after the original transplant from the kitchen the bar gained an annex. A white conti-board construction, featuring one shelf just underneath the level of the bar and three open sections underneath used for storage. Two of them got filled with comics and magazines but what went on the shelf meant the third section got reserved.

My own record player. A Garrard 401 or 404 if memory serves. And with it a Pye integrated radio/amp/cassette player and all linked up to the speakers on the bar. The tape player in the Pye was later condemned to idleness by the arrival of a Panasonic tape deck with proper recording level controls and everything.

I’m not sure how Ma & Pa managed it as I remember getting the kit as a birthday present very clearly. As was traditional at the time presents were given out downstairs straight after breakfast and among other stuff that time has erased I unwrapped three LPs: K-Tel compilation “Music Explosion” (Seasons In The Sun, Kung-Fu Fighting and 20 others), David Essex – Rock On and the inevitable classical selection “Rock Gently with Beethoven, Bach and Brahms”. Anyway, on going back upstairs I found the kit to play them on all nicely set up and ready to rock – Dad must have done it while I was having breakfast or something.

The interwebs tell me that Music Explosion was a 1974 release with the other two from 1973. So I would imagine this birthday was therefore either 1976 or 1977. I can’t imagine getting all that kit at age 4 in 1975 but at the same time can’t remember not having my own reproduction equipment so am not going to sweat on the details. I do remember the lectures on how to look after everything, cleaning the records before use (hello the EMItex cloth and Dust Bug), only holding them by their edges and so forth. That certainly left an impression as I have vivid memories of being a little know-it-all explaining to friends that their Dad’s records skipped because of all the finger prints be-smearing the surfaces. And at primary school we always went in to assembly to a record being played by a carefully selected duo of kids from the oldest class. When it finally got to be my turn I brought the EMItex in and cleaned all the records for the first time in years.

As well as the instructions to look after them, something else about the way Dad kept his records must have rubbed off as well. Until the mid 80s the albums were stored in the “bar annex” in the order I got them. Complete with a little red sticker in the top left corner with the number of acquisition on (these came from a Sasco year-planner which arrived one Christmas and was never used other than as a source of stickers, I later upgraded to letraset directly applied to the sleeve for anything with a light enough background). Unfortunately at some point this chronological system was replaced with a shift to storing alphabetically by artist and then within each artist in order of release; the stickers were removed and the letraset scratched off and all I have now is a bunch of scarred sleeves to testify to the old ways. They were all catalogued in a notebook as well, complete with track listings and carefully copied band and record label logos, which I wish I still had but has also been lost along the way. Probably when it got replaced by a database on the ZX Spectrum which has been continually updated and replaced via Atari ST and has now moved on to the PC.

That means that although I can make some good guesses I can’t be sure exactly of what albums followed the initial three. By the time I moved up to secondary school in September 1982 there were three sets from Geoff Love and his orchestra adapting themes from tv and film sci-fi into a disco style, a rip-off of the Star Wars soundtrack by an outfit known as The Sonic All-Stars (this is the first album I can remember buying with my own money), the real soundtrack to Return Of The Jedi, a Monkees collection on Music For Pleasure (I’ve just looked and it carried no release date), some Abba, some Madness and Dare from the Human League. But what order they arrived in can only be guessed at by the dates they hit the shops. Scattered in amongst this lot, and with the first two albums definitely being acquired the wrong way round (probably a Christmas present for the second followed by the first two months later as a birthday present), were the four albums released up to that point by the band I could not get enough of.

How can this be true?

How can this be true?
Originally uploaded by The original SimonB

So yesterday I changed the first digit of my age again. Sure doesn't seem like 10 years since the last time that happened. Been spoilt rotten over the whole weekend with some lovely meals, top presents and lots of time with MrsB.

And no, my teeth haven't fallen out, I've not gone grey (well, greyer) overnight and my knees still work.

So, now life can really begin as they say.

Football unfocus

Sport Relief Mini-World Cup
Originally uploaded by The original SimonB

You can always tell when Ipswich Town are playing a home evening game. Large chunks of the office get up and leave early in order to go home, have a bite and get changed before coming back for the match. An equally large proportion stays late at their desks then goes straight over (the office is literally next door to the ground). This leaves the rest of us wondering what all the fuss is really about. Especially the way they have been playing recently.

With every result, hiring or firing of manager or players reported across the local media and discussed endlessly around me during the day I know far more about the workings of football than I ever thought I might pick up. While I may have watched the odd cup final or other game on the tv there is no way I could ever be described as a football fan, and yet I do seem to care about what goes on inside the stadium next door.

And good luck to the new manager as well - I can't imagine why anyone would ever want to take on a job like that. More to the point, I don't understand why it is always the manager that seems to get all the blame when things go badly, but the players who are praised when teams are winning. Surely they are both equally responsible either way?

I have been inside Portman Road on numerous occasions for meetings (it being a handy venue and all that) and also to see Bryan Adams back in 1992, but the only football I have been in to view was a charity tournament on the practice pitch. That's where the picture above comes from - a team from the office entered and did fairly well (but quite how well I can no longer recall).

I have tried to catch the bug properly in the past in order to fit in with friends, but it just doesn't grab me. Perhaps I need to go to a proper professional game but at those prices I'd rather take MrsB out to the theatre AND have a good meal as well.

So while I won't be joining those shivering in the stands tonight I will keep an eye out for the result later, if only so as not to put my foot in it when I get to work in the morning.

Another year of reading

This is me in six books.
Originally uploaded by The original SimonB

OK, nobody asked for it but as I've been logging my books again for another year here's the full list. As with last year, audio books are in italics.

Peter Biddlecombe - The United Burger States Of America
Ian Hislop (Ed) - Private Eye Annual 2009
Terry Pratchett - Nation
Michael Harvey (Ed) - Top Gear Top Drives
Stephen Cole - Doctor Who: Sting Of The Zygons
Simon Schama - A History of Britain III: The Fate of Empire 1776-2000
Terry Pratchett - Sourcery
Matthew Brzezinski - Red Moon Rising
Terry Pratchett - Wyrd Sisters
Ian Fleming - Octopussy And The Living Daylights
David Eddings - Domes Of Fire
Emma Kennedy - The Tent, The Bucket And Me
Terry Pratchett - Unseen Academcals
Mark Cawardine - Last Chance To See
David Eddings - The Shining Ones
Mike Parker - Map Addict
David Eddings - The Hidden City
J. K. Rowling - The Tales Of Beedle The Bard
Terry Pratchett - Guards! Guards!
Mitch Albom - The Five People You Meet In Heaven
Terry Pratchett - Eric
Julian May - Conqueror's Moon
Stuart Maconie - Adventures On The High Teas
Elizabeth-Jane Grose - See Felixstowe With Me
Kim Stanley Robinson - Red Mars
Kim Stanley Robinson - Green Mars
Julian May - Ironcrown Moon
Kim Stanley Robinson - Blue Mars
Richard Hammond - As You Do
Terry Pratchett - Moving Pictures
Dava Sobel - Longitude
Terry Pratchett - Reaper Man
Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond & James May - Top Gear: The Best Of The Columns
Terry Pratchett - Witches Abroad
Julian May - Sorcerer's Moon
Mike Gayle - Turning Thirty
Terry Pratchett - Small Gods
Alan H. Cohen - Mr Everit's Secret
Neil Gaiman & Charles Vess - Stardust
Stephen Smith - Underground London
Charlie Connolly - And Did Those Feet
Terry Pratchett - Lords And Ladies
Vonda N. McIntyre - Star Trek IV - The Voyage Home
Dan Brown - The Lost Symbol
Terrance Dicks - Doctor Who And The Planet Of The Spiders
Neil Gaiman - Coraline
Mike Durrant - Felixstowe - Then And Now
Jeremy Clarkson - For Crying Out Loud: The World According To Clarkson 3
Terry Pratchett - Men At Arms
Alistair Maclean - The Way To Dusty Death
Martin Lampen - The Knickerbocker Glory Years
Jim Lovell and Jeffrey Kluger - Apollo 13 (Lost Moon)
Will Self - Grey Area
Seb Hunter - Hell Bent For Leather
Maxwell Roberts - Underground Maps Unravelled
Martin Day - Doctor Who: Wooden Heart
Bill Bryson - Down Under
Terrance Dicks - Doctor Who And The Giant Robot
Tony Hillerman - The First Eagle
Mark Barrowcliffe - The Elfish Gene
Terry Pratchett - Soul Music
Terry Pratchett & Jacqueline Simpson - The Folklore Of Discworld
Bill Bryson - A Short History Of Nearly Everything
Oli Smith - Doctor Who: The Runaway Train
Lynne Truss - Get Her Off The Pitch
Jenni Davis & Gill Knappett (Eds) - Ghosts Of Warwick Castle
Terry Pratchett - Interesting Times
Richard Dawkins - The Ancestor's Tale
Paddy Heazell - Most Secret: The Hidden History Of Orford Ness
Neil Gaiman - The Graveyard Book
Terry Pratchett - Maskerade
Matthew Engel - Eleven Minutes Late
Neil Gaiman - Smoke And Mirrors
Boris Starling - Messiah
Terry Pratchett - Feet Of Clay
Ben Goldacre - Bad Science
Mark Gatiss - The Vesuvius Club
John Lloyd and John Mitchinson - The QI Book Of Animal Ignorance

Too much information

Too much information
Originally uploaded by The original SimonB

I've seen the packets of nuts that say "may contain nuts" and the "caution, hot" messages on cups of tea and apple pies but I think ridiculous information labels have reached a new low with this one. To save anyone having to enlarge the text, this comes from a packet of Wafer Thin salt beef slices from Marks & Spencer: "Wafer thin slices can vary in appearance and may break. This is natural and will not affect the eating quality."

How crazy is that?

There can surely only be two reasons for such a notice to exist, and I'm not sure which option is the worst. Either enough people have complained to M&S about uneven, snappling slices that they felt it justified or someone high up is worried that such complaints might come in so decided to pre-empt them. The former just shows how stupid some people can be, while the latter means that people sit and think about stupidity. Whichever, it is surely a sign that the end times are coming.

Oh, and no idea why it contains celery or why people may need to be warned about that.

Park And Reflect

Park And Reflect
Originally uploaded by The original SimonB

Since I restarted this blogging malarky I've tried not to write about work too much. Not through any fear of people finding out, reprisals or whatever but simply because I think I did too much of that first time around and no-ne else is interested. You can read the archives if you really like.

But today I have to get stuff off my chest because I am not a happy bunny.

I've moved around within my team/department over the last 12 years and every time have had to bite my tongue about what the people who come after me have done to and with the legacy I left behind.

So, for example, highly praised timetable books have been dropped, maps are no longer geographically accurate, connecting routes don't meet up any more, newlsetters have been dropped, awards have not been re-won. It is hard to see things I put time and effort into disappear, especially when they have been well received in the real world and people still contact me rather than my successors in the hope of getting a straight answer.

Now we have a new Government slashing our budgets, and a major casualty is one of the three Park & Ride sites I did my best to build, run and develop. For a county committed to going green I can only see this as a short-sighted blow. Where other departments get "invest to save" money we just seem to lose out. I am sure a bit of decent marketing and genuine customer focus could do wonders, bring in more punters and cut the costs in the medium term, but it seems that is not an option.

But what annoys me most is reading about it in the local paper before being told internally. That really is not on.

If our bosses want us to stick with them through these troubled times then communications have to be sorted out and staff have to know before Joe public.

Too late for them to change their minds now, but I hope that future cuts and changes will be reflected on a bit more and those of us who actually care about getting things done can be kept a bit more in the loop.

Small bird?

Ah, I've given in and am now on twitter as TheSimonb - maybe see you there.

Which way now?

Which way now?
Originally uploaded by The original SimonB

Been stuck in a rut of not knowing what to write about that would lift things since the last post's negativity, so here's another post that doesn't know where it is going either!